The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
— unknown
[ appearance | humor | sex | unknown ]
I could have gone for beauty or charm, but instead I went for strange.
— unkown
[ appearance | humor | unknown ]
This isn't hell. This is where you're sent when you've been bad in hell.
— unknown
[ angst | humor | unknown ]
Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.
— unknown
[ angst | humor | life | unknown ]

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are you doing over there?
Brain: Pondering your afterlife, Pinky.

— Pinky and The Brain

[ angst | attitude | humor | Pinky and The Brain ]
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
— unknown
[ computers | humor | unknown ]
On the other hand, you have five fingers.
— unknown
[ anatomy | humor | unknown ]
Yeah, you know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
— Homer Simpson
[ anatomy | humor | power | The Simpsons ]
Few things are as ego-boosting as being kicked out of an anarchy convention for unruly behavior.
— unknown
[ anarchy | attitude | humor | unknown ]
No matter who you vote for, the government gets elected.
— unknown
[ anarchy | elections | humor | unknown ]
After an obviously long night he found himself staggering about at home, when that familiar urge suddenly came upon him. In an uncharacteristic flash of common sense he managed to get to his bedroom window before unloading his guts through it. Unfortunately he was standing in the garden, looking in.
— Jock Meston, alt.drunken.bastards
[ alcohol | humor | Jock Meston ]
Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
— Homer Simpson
[ aging | humor | The Simpsons ]

Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man now, and old people are useless.

— Homer Simpson

[ aging | family | humor | The Simpsons ]
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
— unknown
[ advice | humor | unknown ]
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
— unknown
[ advice | humor | unknown ]
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