humor

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— unknown
[ books | humor | unknown ]
If you've never said "excuse me" to a parking meter or bashed your shins on a fireplug, you're probably wasting too much valuable reading time.
— unknown
[ books | humor | unknown ]
Dullard - someone who can open an encyclopedia or dictionary and only read what they'd planned to.
— unknown
[ books | humor | unknown ]
To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
— Homer Simpson
[ alcohol | beer | humor | The Simpsons ]

Bart: Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer?
Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

— Bart Simpson & Homer Simpson

[ alcohol | beer | humor | The Simpsons ]
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
— Homer Simpson
[ alcohol | beer | humor | sports | The Simpsons ]
Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. "Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy, where our beds and TV...is.
— Homer Simpson
[ alcohol | beer | humor | irony | The Simpsons ]
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
— Homer Simpson
[ alcohol | beer | humor | The Simpsons ]
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
— Homer Simpson
[ alcohol | beer | humor | The Simpsons ]
You can't be a figment of my imagination -- I'd have done a better job.
— unknown
[ attitude | humor | unknown ]
Until someone debugs reality, the best I can do is a quick patch here and there.
— unknown
[ attitude | humor | power | religion | unknown ]
I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber and am therefore excused from saving universes.
— unknown
[ attitude | humor | unknown ]
I don't take up more than my share of space -- my share's bigger than yours, that's all.
— unknown
[ attitude | humor | unknown ]
Any twelve people who can't get themselves out of jury duty are not my peers.
— unknown
[ attitude | humor | unknown ]
I've suffered enough. When does by art improve?
— unknown
[ art | humor | unknown ]
Syndicate content