humor

Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.
Pinky: You have no idea.

Pinky, you've left the lens cap of your mind on again.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what is inside since most people can not read.

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

D'oh! Nuts! Mmmm... Donuts.

My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much. If only they'd elect me, I'd make them pay.

I am ready to meet my Maker -- whether my Maker is ready for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.

Mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to extinction. Let us pray we choose correctly.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" ...until you can find a rock.

Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.