For a list of the ways which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3.
— unknown
[ humor | technology | unknown ]
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
— Homer Simpson
[ humor | technology | The Simpsons ]

Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool. And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?
Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band?
Brain: The Workings of you mind are a mystery to me Pinky.

— Pinky and The Brain

[ humor | Pinky and The Brain | technology ]
If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position.
— unknown
[ humor | sex | unknown ]
Barbie doesn't come with Ken, she comes with GI Joe -- she fakes it with Ken.
— unknown
[ humor | sex | unknown ]

Homer: When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return.
Bart: Like what?
Homer: I'll tell you when you're older.

— Bart Simpson & Homer Simpson

[ humor | sex | The Simpsons ]
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 326 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean God doesn't love heterosexuals -- He just thinks they need more supervision.
— unknown
[ humor | religion | sex | unknown ]
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
— Scott Adams
[ humor | problems | Scott Adams ]
You know, the golf course is the only place he isn't handicapped.
— Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, (in reference to president George W Bush)
[ humor | Jon Stewart | president ]
And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
— Homer Simpson
[ humor | power | The Simpsons ]
Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things!
— Homer Simpson
[ humor | money | The Simpsons ]

[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

— The Simpsons

[ humor | money | The Simpsons ]
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
— unknown
[ humor | life | unknown ]
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
— unknown
[ humor | life | unknown ]
Life is a deadly, sexually-transmitted disease.
— unknown
[ humor | life | sex | unknown ]
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