unknown

Politics is like driving...if you want to go backwards, choose R. If you want to move forward, choose D.

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[ humor | politics | unknown ]

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's one called brightness, but it doesn't work.

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[ humor | intelligence | technology | unknown ]

Some people have a way with words, and some people, um, thingy.

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[ language | unknown ]

Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy, blue-green meat is bad for you.

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[ food | humor | unknown ]

Psychodelic drugs cause paranoia, confusion, and total loss of reality in politicians that have never taken them.

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[ humor | politics | unknown ]

People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on.

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[ cynicism | humor | unknown ]

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harass rich women than biker gangs.

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[ cynicism | humor | unknown ]

Honest is the best policy, but insanity is the better defense

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[ cynicism | humor | unknown ]
The first 90% of a task takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90%.
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[ cynicism | humor | unknown ]
If cars had followed the same development path as computers, a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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[ computers | humor | unknown ]
What's the difference between a used car salesman and someone who sells computers? A used car salesman knows he's lying -- and can drive.
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[ computers | humor | unknown ]
If you can't trust a woman with a choice, how can you trust her with a baby?
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[ sex | unknown ]
When I wash the cat, it takes hours to get the hair off my tongue.
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[ cats | humor | unknown ]
Thousands of years ago, the Egyptians worshipped cats. Cats have never forgotten this.
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[ cats | humor | unknown ]
It's always darkest just before you step on the cat.
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[ cats | humor | unknown ]
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